Good Morning Digitial Neighbors! Happy Sunday ADD Irregulars, WSN Purveyors, Friends & Refugees, Early Birds & Later Dayers, Misfits & PHAM, Conversants, Lurkers and Lost.

I've been somewhat negligent in my morning ramblings since purchasing a new car this week. After celebrating my morning prayers I have been going out for drives to listen to music and figure out how to use a car significantly smarter than myself. For the last 28 years a I have my time behind the wheel of a Geo Tracker (Wanna-be-jeep) from 1995 until 2010 and then a Wrangler from 2010 until Tuesday. Jeeps rides have been a hallmark of my ministry, going for rides to listen to others, to provide some pastoral counseling or spiritual direction was easy ways to help people process the experiences of life. I guess we will be going for Mazda rides here on out, which will take some adapting on my part, but I look forward to learning the ins & outs of the CX-50.

Going for rides provides an interesting context for conversations, it allows the person sharing the freedom to move more easily from casual to serious topics without feeling the weight on my stare upon them. They can stare out the window for the serious stuff and do more side glances for the less serious stuff to make sure I am still listening. I tend to repeat any serious stuff that is shared back to my ride-along to make sure I not only heard what they said but also understood it. That part is more important than I ever realized in pastoral counseling when I first started out on this road. Many hear but poorly listen. So many things prevent good listening and thus prevent better communication and understanding.

Working through our own biases and mental filtering is one of the first things to try and grow through on the path to better listening and providing some meaningful (you hope good but that is debatable) feedback and insight. Good counseling does not have to provide answers, it can provide some, but it is better to help the individual wrestle with the questions and seek better answers. I don't think a good guide lets them just find their own answers since a mentally or emotionally ill person will arrive at all kinds of misguided conclusions. You want to point them in the field of good choices knowing that you may not be as accurate as you hope or insightful as the person you as helping may think. Most of us helpers are only a few steps further down the road of integrated living and thoughtful engagement, everyone has their own challenges and shortcomings that they are hopefully addressing. No one is so far ahead down the road that they cannot regress or become lost themselves. No pedestals for the living and never become seduced by your own success or security.

Often these morning missives strive to be on the hopeful, positive and on the happier side of existence. That does not mean that life, mine or yours, is on the happier side of reality. Many can struggle with great burdens without ever giving any indication of the weight of their challenges. Others can talk so endlessly about their problems that it becomes a barrier to getting help or finding friends because oversharing is often a warning to others. Certain situations facilitate sharing more readily like a 12 Step or other support meeting, but too often hurting souls do not find the connection they need because oversharing too soon can be challenging. Most people need a good friend more than a therapist, counselor or even a minister. My real help comes in the area of spiritual direction much more so than pastoral counseling. I am happy to do both, but I know where I am more inclined to be of service.

Social media communities like Rubin Report, Phetasy, Padre's and other communities can often provide a means to connecting to others and offer the possibility of friendship which seems to be at an all-time low in our culture. Most people don't need many friends, but no friends is a real poverty and a real danger to becoming hypnotized by your own mind and experience.

Thanks for being part of this ride-along, I never know where it is going to go when I start these ramblings, detours, distractions and diversions are just part of being Tom that I have learned to appreciate. Happy Sunday friends and neighbors!