Our pilgrimage on earth cannot be exempt from trial. We progress by means of trial. No one knows himself except through trial, or receives a crown except after victory, or strives except against an enemy or temptations. - St. Augustine, From a commentary on the Psalms.
Good morning, Digital Neighbors!
Yesterday I mentioned that there is a difference between the testing of life and the testing of faith. As St. Augustine mentioned in the quote above that our pilgrimage on earth is not free from trial. Life in a broken world is full of trials, perhaps it would be full of trials even if the world were not broken, but we would see or receive them differently if we were in state of enlightenment free from the taint of sin and not haunted by the specter of fear. In short, the trials of the sinner & disciple invite us to trust God or reject that trust. For saints, the trial refines trust, trust is a foundational reality for saints. They know God’s goodness and while trials might stretch trust, experiences might hammer the strength out of them, saints say with the Master: “Father, into you hands I commend my spirit.”
One of the most difficult things about trials is the accompanying fear that is present. Our imagination does not often run in hopeful directions as adults, we are far too aware of how things can go bad, and now with the internet we may know more than we ever wanted about a latest health condition or diagnosis. Because of a greater sense of connection or at least awareness of the experiences of others we know others who were dealt the same misfortune and failed. They lost their job, business or family and they were ruined. If them, why not me?
I doubt any of us will forget the Great Fear of 2020, we were fed a fear that made us look at neighbors as bearers of plague and death. Rather than seeing a brush with covid as a misfortune, it was now cast as an act of malice that others gave to you in their selfishness. The virus is very real, what we had been fed about it was more fear than facts, more coercion than caution. In fear we were told to think the worst about the “careless & selfish”, in fear we were willing to let people die alone and apart from family & friends. In fear, all the things that helped us resist the march of fear were reduced or taken from our lives as we sheltered in place, safe and afraid. In past plagues & pandemics, the heroes worked with the sick and dying with an understood risk to their own health. It 2020 it was heroic to do nothing. Leave it to the experts. Sorry for this digression, I still have many misgivings about all that happened then. Back to something more prayerful.
The Fall as detailed in Genesis brought about awareness of shame and fear of the Divine. While Genesis mentions that Adam & Eve were ashamed of their nakedness, I don’t think it was talking about their running around in their birthday suits solely. They realized their acts were known to God and they felt the alienation from God that comes with that state of relationship. They were exposed not just physically, but spiritually to the One that used to walk with them in the Garden. Whatever you think about the story of Adam & Eve, one of the real points of this story is communion lost and fear inherited. Fear has now become one of humanities primary responses to life. Fear real or imagined, now lurked at the fringes of thought and imagination. For us sinners & disciples stumbling on the path to sainthood, it is the arrival at that place where trust remains unshaken for which we strive. God is with me. More Thee, less me. I place my hands in Yours, Dearest Master, ease my fears and calm my heart with the power of your Prescence and the truth of Your love.
