XV
The Passion of the Disciple
Not long after the death of the Lover, while the Disciple was diligently weeding the Garden of the Beloved he heard a knock on the gate and found a man standing there dressed in a silk robe and accompanied by seven young men but little less finely dressed than himself. In his hand he bore a deed sealed as it seemed with the seal of the Beloved whereby he who bore it was appointed to take charge of the Garden of the Beloved and choose such assistants as he might think fit. The Disciple examined the deed and the seal of the Beloved carefully and both of them seemed to him to be in order, nor did he think it a strange or grievous thing that the Beloved should appoint another over him in the Garden since he himself had not sufficient virtue to hear the Beloved or see His face, and although it is true that a silk robe seemed to him a strange garb for a gardener he knew from his experience that is was not well to judge from appearances, so he welcomed the stranger humbly and asked him who these seven young men with him were. The man replied, “These are my new assistants in the Garden.” It seemed strange to the Disciple that the new gardener should need so many to assist him in the Garden which for so long he and the Lover had tended alone, but since the man was now his master he did not question the decision but led him round the Garden and showed him all the lovely flowers and beneficial herbs and the butterflies and the bright-colored birds and the nightingale whose note gave such sweetness to the melody of the Garden and the cave of bats and all the other things that were in the Garden and told him all that he knew about the working of the Garden for the pleasure of the Beloved. But the new gardener was silent all the while and at last when they had seen everything and returned to the middle of the Garden he said, “I see that you are an inefficient gardener and have managed the Garden very wastefully.”
When the Disciple heard this he was very ashamed that he had been such a bad servant to the Beloved. But the gardener continued, addressing his assistants, “The plants that grow in the Garden are valueless. I will root them out and plant poppy and hemp, tobacco and mandragora, for all of which there is a ready and profitable market, and I will destroy those butterflies whose caterpillars damage the plants. The bright feathers of the birds are of value and marketable but catch that useless brown bird and wring its neck; I will feed no unprofitable mouths. Light a fire and smoke out those loathsome bats and clean out their caves, for I will install in their gloomy and mysterious recesses beautiful maidens who will prove profitable and give men pleasant entertainment.”
When he heard this the Disciple said to the man, “Sir, what is this you mean to do? For His creatures which you would destroy are very dear servants of the Beloved and the flowers and beneficial herbs are pleasing to Him.”
Then the man’s face became the face of a devil and laughing mockingly he replied, “What do I care for the Beloved or His servants or His pleasure? I have deceived you cunningly. The deed and seal were cleverly wrought forgeries whereby I might gain entrance to the Garden to use it for my own profit. The servants of the Beloved are fools and get small rewards for their labors, but the soil of the Garden is rich and much wealth can be made from it.”
Then the Disciple answered, “You Deceiver, never while I live will you desecrate the Garden of the Beloved.”
Again the Deceiver laughed cruelly and said, “There is no need for you to live, but take my advice and join us in this enterprise, and as you are strong and skilled I will make you second only to myself and you will find it a very profitable venture.”
“No,” said the Disciple, “I will never do this: seek profit and betray the Beloved.”
Therein the Deceiver, losing his patience, became very angry and said to his followers, “Go and seek in the Garden for means whereby I can bring to heel this foolish and obstinate fellow who thus scorns my service and rewards.” So his followers went and one of them, opening the gate to the inner Garden, saw the cross and nails and a spear and the crown of thorns, whereupon he returned to the Deceiver and said, “Come and see, I have found implements whereby this felon may die a death worthy of him.”
So they seized the Disciple roughly and buffeted him sorely, save only the youngest of the Deceiver’s followers, who held back a little until his fellows scoffed at his reluctance and then he too joined them in their violence.
They dragged the Disciple into the inner Garden and tearing off his robe cruelly mocked his nakedness; yet the Disciple was in no way ashamed for it did not seem to him a shameful thing to bear shame for the sake of the Beloved.
Then the Deceiver spoke again to the Disciple: “Change your mind now that you see the doom that awaits you. I am a merciful man and leave my offer open to you if you but agree to submit to my authority. I am very generous in this, for I can still carry out my design whether you help or not.”
“No,” said the Disciple, “I will never betray the Beloved.”
Then the Deceiver laughed more cruelly than ever. “You have betrayed Him already when you handed over His Garden to me.”
Then he picked up the crown of thorns and said, “Here is a fitting crown for such a good servant,” whereupon he thrust it on his head, not gently as the Lover had once placed it long ago but with such force that it seemed that the thorns pierced even to his brain and the agony that fell upon the Disciple was beyond my pen to describe, yet he had become so inured to pain from the little scratches and galls of the Garden that he did not faint as he had formerly when his agony, compared with this, had been nothing. But he bore all patiently and they took him up and nailed him to the cross and the nails in his hands and feet burned like flames of fire. Then they thrust the spear into his side and I think that there was never in the world greater agony than his.
Yet the agony of his body, although it was the greatest man could bear, was slight compared with the agony of his soul, for he perceived that his sacrifice was wholly in vain and that by his carelessness he had betrayed the Garden of the Beloved to the Deceiver and proved himself an utterly worthless servant, yes and worse, a betrayer of his Lord. And at the same time he had betrayed to death at the hands of the Deceiver his fellow servants in the Garden. For he knew that the Deceiver would tear up the flowers and beneficial herbs which the Beloved loved and plant in the Garden noxious drugs which would be the bane of men. He seemed to see before his eyes the nightingale with its neck broken and the butterflies with their torn wings and all his fellow creatures of the Garden destroyed by his fault, and then it seemed that the torments of his body were far less than his sins deserved. So darkness of body and soul pressed upon him and the taunts of his persecutors sounded in his ears.
Then suddenly he beheld the Beloved.
In the wonder of this vision he forgot all his agony and gazed upon the Beloved with adoration so that his pain became a joy to him. How long he gazed I cannot tell but at last the vision passed.
Yet still a melody of great sweetness sounded in his ears and he looked and beheld the birds of the Garden singing all about him and in the midst of them the nightingale, and the glorious scent of the flowers wafted up to him and he saw that they were bright with butterflies. For the Deceiver and his followers had fled from the Garden overcome by the awful horror of their own crime, save only the youngest of the followers, who knelt at the foot of the cross and seemed to draw strength from gazing at the face of the Disciple. He had thrown away his silken robe and put on the habit of the Disciple, torn and mired as it was from the violence the Disciple had received. Then very carefully the young man drew the nails from the hands and feet of the Disciple and laid him gently on the soft grass, bringing him water to drink and dressing his wounds. Kneeling beside him he said, “Sir, I pray you to teach me this wonderful love of the Beloved.”
Then the Disciple was glad, for he heard the voice of the Beloved saying, “Faithful Lover, do this also for the love of Me,” but he was so weak as yet he could only whisper “My son.”
