Friends should be like books, easy to find when you need them, but seldom used. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Good Morning Digital Neighbors! These days it seems that more prefer the utility of relationships over actual love. Someone is in your orbit as long as they are useful or agreeable. I think that is a common fear these days that I don't think was quiet as common during my childhood. I was a child of the late 60's and 70's and there didn't seem to be this willingness to write people out of your life when they disagreed or displeased you. I am sure it happened, but it was not commonplace nor was it celebrated like it is now in our colosseums of personal destruction.

I think the perception of use/utility is an interesting thing. It is not is a frame that I want to apply as the main filter to understanding relationships. If everything is seen as mutual use I think it doesn't allow for actual acceptance of others. I don't discount that others might use you, and the sooner your recognize it and address it , the more likely your are either able to help tat relationship mature or be discarded. Again this is within the realm of friendships, the majority of our relationships are based on service and utility and that is how most societies work.

The value of self-reliance should not limit us from friendships. Again you don't need many, but a few friends can anchor us in reality. Good friends, easy to find, but seldom used. For myself, "being used" only occurs when I feel put upon by someone who shows zero awareness that they come only out of need and as soon as the need is met they evaporate. Those types have always existed, but perhaps our disposable chapter makes more people that way knowingly or unknowingly. I don't know.

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I couldn't agree more, and it is a joy when you can add new friends to that mix that get your weirdness, that share your vibe and don't mirror your every thought, but rather recognize the commonalities that are the foundations of friendships and appreciate the differences that afford us the freedom to grow and learn from each other.

One of the biggest difference between old and new friends is the telling of stories. The old friends know the stories as you tell them, often shared in them, and offer color commentary to your play by play. The new friends get to hear them. There is much joy in the sharing of those stories, it is one of the primal parts of our hidden selves. We are creatures of stories, our own and those that we allow to define us.

Sadly it is one of the hidden parts of our selves to join mobs that destroy when we don't feel a real connection to others. Shallow relationships lead to a poverty of thought and feeling that make many vulnerable to herd-thinking & group-feeling. The disconnected get exploited all the time.

I hope you have people you can be stupid around, people who afford you some slack when your stupidity is innocent and unintended. I hope you have people who lovingly address your stupidity when it is intrusive or offensive. I hope you have someone when your stupidity leaves you momentarily isolated or alone that saves you from the panic that can cause many to backtrack and betray their foundations. The mob cares nothing for you and its false sense of "belonging" is one of it seductions that entices you to join the exploited and expendable. Old friends and new friends that can handle my brand of stupidity are among the best. Happy Wednesday my friends and ADD Irregulars!

Utah blue skies - Greg Clure