Dear ADD Irregulars,

Alan has decided to step away from our community for a while. He may return, but right now he’s in a difficult chapter of life. This past year has been especially rough for him—depression, anxiety, unemployment, and some challenging family situations.

I spoke with him briefly on Telegram. He admitted to feeling worn down, and the recent football meme hit him at exactly the wrong moment and in the wrong state of mind. He didn’t sound like he was blaming Rich, but in his current vulnerability, he experienced the exchange as unnecessarily mean-spirited. I suspect the “whiny-cunt” line cut much deeper than it normally would have.

That’s the funny and frightening thing about emotions: on a good day, that back-and-forth between Alan and Rich would have been hilarious. On a bad day, it was simply too much. No one could have known beforehand.

In Alan’s own words: “I saw it at exactly the wrong moment and it just hit me as unnecessarily mean spirited which was something I just didn't expect and am really not in a place to cope with at the moment.”

This is the danger of this medium. We log on hoping for relief or distraction, and instead we sometimes encounter something that offends, outrages, or wounds us. I feel for Alan—I know from previous conversations that this has not been a good year for him.

Let this be a reminder to all of us: Do not venture onto the internet when you’re in a state of emotional vulnerability. It rarely goes the way we hope. Pressure always seeks an escape valve, and online spaces are full of sharp edges. It is far better to talk with a real person—call someone and hear a human voice with all its nuance—than to stare at static words on a screen that you can reread over and over, each time deepening the wound.

Praying for Alan and so sorry he is at this chapter in his life. I am guessing he might be open to any of us reaching out. I don't really know.  I know he is still on telegram, but not sure how esle to contact him.

Rich, if you read this I hope you chalk it under unfortunate shit happens. On most other days that post would have generated the funny back and forth that we have seen many times in the past.  I am sure Alan would be open to any conversation with you, that is an invitation never an expectation. 

[email protected]  For anyone who might want to contact Alan.