Good morning, digital neighbors! Happy Tuesday, dear friends! Over at Padre’s, Fred likes to promote Tuesday as the ideal day of the week for a retiree. Tuesday is one of those days that exists for its own sake. It doesn’t carry the baggage or expectations of the other days. You aren’t looking for Tuesday to be anything more than Tuesday. There is real wisdom in that level of acceptance and reasonable expectation.
Too often, human relationships are tainted by presumed and imposed expectations that were never discussed or agreed upon by the individuals involved. Families are full of them—sort of unavoidable—but they cause countless arguments and enduring ill will as members mature or change while the expectations remain static or undiscussed. I’m not saying life should be free of expectations, but expectations should be clear to everyone involved. They ought to be a point of meaningful discussion about how time and effort are spent together. There is danger in such conversations, which is why I think they are so often avoided. A frank chat about shared or imposed expectations is almost guaranteed to make someone unhappy. No one really wants to change when they’re happy with the status quo, and the presumptuous and imposing are always content with the status quo.
I have witnessed far too many families in ministry where age was the determinant of clout: if you were older, you possessed it; if you weren’t, you deferred to those who did. It was treated as a non-negotiable reality—you just had to wait your turn to be among the grey-hairs with unquestioned authority. I can’t think of a more warped understanding of parenting than raising someone to adulthood yet still expecting them to defer to defer to me simply because I am older. “I have more experience.” What if those are bad experiences? What if you’ve merely survived decades of poor judgment? Why would anyone want to defer to that?
Honoring our seniors means patiently listening to them (and yes, we can be tiresome, especially as we enter the recycling stage of conversations and repeat ourselves every three or four visits) and not dismissing them to the fields of dotage. Trying to treat others as equals is hard work. We are equal in dignity, but not in experience, expertise, education, competency, or the like. Part of wisdom is recognizing that distinction and living accordingly.
Happy Tuesday again, digital neighbors! For some reason Locals wouldn’t let me add a photo to yesterday’s post. Maybe it will cooperate today. Another prayer for your morning reflection. Peace.
17th-Century Nun’s Prayer
Lord, Thou knowest better than I know myself that I am growing older and will someday be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.
Release me from craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs. Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all— but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.
Keep my mind free from the endless recital of details; give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains— they are increasing, and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by.
I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of others’ pains, but help me endure them with patience.
I dare not ask for improved memory, but for a growing humility and a lessening cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken.
Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a saint—some of them are so hard to live with— but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.
Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places and talents in unexpected people. And give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so.
Amen.
Autumn snowfall - Mathew Benoit - Unsplash
